Category Archives: Women

“Act Like A Lady, Have Sex like A Man” By: Dee Rene

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“Act Like a Lady, Have Sex Like a Man” By: Dee Rene

He gets up from his late night conquest and drives home with a smile on his face. The sex was satisfying, safe, and most importantly – no strings attached. His lover is beautiful and gives his body exactly what it needs. He doesn’t kiss and tell, but if his boys found out he had a woman just to satisfy his sexual needs they’d just give him a high five and move on.

Now imagine that’s a woman walking through that scenario instead of a man. Would anyone give her a high five? Or would they just call her a hoe?

The truth is there are women out there that are sexually free and engaging in sexual behavior that’s typical (or expected) of men rather than women.

Meet Rebecca.

Rebecca is a 20-something, educated, heterosexual woman and she’s out there living a no-strings attached sex life. Finally setting herself free from the misconception that women can’t have sex without getting attached.

When did you discover that you could separate sex and love?
I discovered it in 11th grade. It was this guy and he was like the pretty boy and girls liked him but I wasn’t interested in him on a dating level.

We ended up hooking up and it was cool. I come over, we had sex and I went home but I didn’t feel any attachment to this dude which was different. I finally understood I could be sexually attracted to somebody but not feel emotional about them.

How did you feel?
At the time I wasn’t really thinking about it being unusual. I wasn’t like oh my gosh I’m doing something women can’t do. I was doing what I wanted to do.

Let’s be real. That type of mindset would have most people calling you a hoe. How would you respond to that? _______READMORE

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Are You Sexy After 30? How About 40? If Not, You Can Be…

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Getting older can be a drag but you don’t have to look older too. Are you over 30 and Sexy? Are you over 40 and Fabulous? Diva Whispers recently sat down in a very open and candid interview with the beautiful founders of the movement “Sexy After 30.”

Sexy after 30 is a reality show. While keeping a national organization that deals with people over 30 adversities afloat; two beautiful ladies from different backgrounds deal with life, love, and adversities of their own. Founded in 2009 by partners KoCo Powell and Deshannon Michele Jackson, Sexy After 30 is a movement, global organization that motivates, uplifts and empowers men and women over 30 that have experienced, or are currently facing adversity. The organization has more than half million Facebook fans and counting from around the globe.

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Should Women Be Paying For Dates?!

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Are you serious? Women Paying for Dates?

Perhaps this goes back to many moons ago when men paid 10 cows to the family to
marry a woman. Maybe it goes back further than that. No one really knows. What really matters, however, is that some women out there have never (and I mean never) even thought about paying for a date.

But maybe times are changing…

The notion that a man should pay for a date stems from the idea that men are providers. It’s true that before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him a job and men should have something to contribute to the family (financially). However, does that always mean a man should always pay on dates?

Absolutely not.

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Overcoming Domestic Violence: “I Never Thought It Would Be Me”

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In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month we thought it would be a great idea to touch on this sensitive topic by sharing one woman’s ordeal on how she wound up in a violent relationship and how she overcame it. Here’s her story.

“I Never Thought It Would Be Me” By: Dee Rene

The first time he called me a “Bitch” I was too shocked to say anything.

A lot of times we watch Lifetime movies or hear the stories of friends and think, “That’ll never be me.” It’s never going to be you until it is you. Everyone’s brave when they aren’t in the situation.

But he wasn’t hitting me.

That’s what I kept telling myself as his comments grew colder and colder and his words beat me up every night. He wasn’t hitting me so it wasn’t abuse.

I felt terrible. I felt like the bottom of the earth and scum on his shoe. We’d have good days, and then he’d blow up at the smallest thing and put me out and not take my calls. Then he’d call a few days later and apologize claiming he was stressed and loved me still. He’d beg to be back in my life. He’d apologize for the hurtful things he said and he’d be the man I loved again for a few days.
A small trigger and my name would change.

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8 Ways To Relieve Stress

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We all face stress through-out the day. From the moment we wake up we’re constantly faced with challenges the day has in store. But it is how we deal with those stresses that will help us to alleviate the problems or heighten them. Here are 8 simple ways to distress.

  1. Take a Bubble Bath: Soft music, incense, and scented candles surrounding your bathtub is great for aromatherapy. Not only is it relaxing it will  certainly help to ease your mind from your day’s troubles.
  2. Temple Massage/Deep Breathes: Currently at the office? How able a 30 second temple massage. A quick massage will help to clear your mind, even for just a moment. And how about a few deep breathes? Believe me it works. You may even try counting to ten when placed in a stressful environment or simply walking away and confront the issue once you’re able to remain calm.
  3. Exercise: Yes, exercise! Getting your blood pumping and releasing endorphins to the brain will give you a burst of energy. Something as simple as a brisk walk can also increase your heartbeat while giving you a workout. You’ll be surprised at the amounts of energy you’ll feel up to 24 hours.
  4. Take A Walk: Something as simple as taking a stroll through the park on a nice day can certainly relieve stress levels. Sometimes reminders of the simple things in life is a great destresser. We often get caught up in our day to day task we forget to have a moment of reflection and take in all that is good. Walking and enjoying the beauty of a serene environment can be a great destresser. _______READMORE

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When Growing Up Is Hard To Do: “Packing Four Years In Four Boxes”

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“Packing Four Years In Four Boxes” By: Dee Rene
via LaughCryCuss.com

What a clusterfuck.

My head hurt from so much crying and yelling. One by one, the threads of my life and hope were unraveling like the hem of a skirt. I felt exposed, vulnerable, broke  and ashamed.

I feared being just another hyped up fairy tale failure banished to the lands of dreams deferred.

Despite my best efforts to be a grown up, I found myself two days before vacating my apartment crying and screaming pressed against the bedroom door.

Running down the list of everything that went wrong would only make me scream again so I’ll just leave it at everything that could go wrong – went wrong. How do I get me, my stuff and my sanity from A to B with less than half of the original resources I anticipated having? In a car the size of a baby turtle and 4 boxes I could ship?

When I saw the unraveling beginning, I told myself it was going to work out. It’s going to be okay. Trust the process. God wouldn’t take you somewhere without giving you a means to get there. Yada yada yada

The adages and scriptures echoed in my mind as I numbly repeated them realizing time slipped through my hands like sand and pressures were unmovable concrete.

At this point I was tired of the “getting there.” I just wanted to BE there and be enjoying it – preferably with a mimosa.

Right on time the universe decided to be hilarious. My daily devotional’s title read “The greater the opportunity, the greater the opposition.”

Continue Reading…

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Dating Woes: “Why the Independent Woman Struggles with Dating”

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“Why the Independent Woman Struggles with Dating” By: Dee Rene

You’ve seen her before right? Much to the tune of the Webbie and Lil Boosie beat – “She got her own car, she got her own house, work hard, two jobs, she a bad broad…” And all the while she’s scream independent, she goes home to cuddle with silence and pillows at night.

In my young career life I’ve had quite a bit of success. By all calculations I’m independent, well except for the occasional “mama I’m sick and don’t know what to take” phone call. I’ve not relied on anyone to give me anything even when I didn’t have a dime to my name after college. I went to food banks, shopped at thrift stores and worked damn hard to now be a self-sufficient career woman that can eat, shop AND pay bills at the same damn time.

And by all calculations, I’ll be single forever.

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“RE-possessed”

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“RE-possessed” By: MaxLaine

Above is a picture of my car being RE-possessed on April 2009. As I watched the driver take away my car, I realized that he wasn’t taking away my spirit. So often, we allow material things to validate who we are. In a matter of ten months, I lost my job, my home, & my car. I thought my life was over. How could this happen to ME? WHY? There I was in my mother’s garage watching the last valuable thing I had taken away from me. I knew I couldn’t afford it anymore, besides, I’m the one who called the financing company to pick it up because it needed electrical repairs that were VERY costly. It was the toughest decision that I had to make. I was “on the run” from the financing company since I lost my home and they had no idea where I was living or if I was working. I could have continued driving the car but when it broke down on me & a mechanic told me it was going to cost more than three thousand dollars to fix it, I almost lost my mind. _______READMORE

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5 Signs You’re A Horrible Friend

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Let’s fact it, some people just don’t know what it means to be a true friend. Perhaps, they’ve never had one and don’t know how. Here are 5 signs you may not be friendship worthy.

  1. Unreliable:You’re unavailable when it matters most. You always seem to call when you’re in need but remain absent when your friend needs you the most. Your number has changed, you’ve moved and your bestie was the last to know. But not to worry you popped up when it mattered most. Let me guess, you need a shoulder to cry on again.
  2. Poor Listener: Your friend just spent the last hour listening to all the latest drama in your life. They even gave you some great advise on how you should handle things. Now the tables have turned. They now need a shoulder to cry on. However, you’re not done. It’s still all about you. You rudely interrupt, have a side conversation or two while they’re still talking and, what do we know, you now have something more important to attend to. They never got to finish telling you the tale.

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How You Became The Side Chick

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“How You Became the Side Chick”  By: Dee Rene

It’s 2 am and my phone is ringing. Thinking it’s my “boo” calling, I answer with the “I was sleeping but I’m trying to sound awake for you” voice only to be greeted by a female voice I don’t recognize. “Are you fucking my man?”

And here we go again….

How do men get away with this? If you’ve dated long enough, some of us have been a side chick knowingly or unknowingly. Men are bad liars, but their patterns are similar. He simply builds relies on AMBIGUITY. In this abmitugity, you will get ‘side chicked’ before you know it.

His main is always a dummy. Well, maybe Bambi is the better term – bright eyed and naive. The Bambi is the woman who wants to believe the best of him but has a sneaking suspicion that he’s seeing someone else. So she tries to make friends with all the women who flit with him on a social network – telling her sad tale about “not wanting to be played and I just have to ask woman-to-woman.” Side note: If you feel the need to chase down everyone he flirts with to make your claim that he is your man and hope to extend an olive branch of “sisters gotta stick together” so that they stay away from him, you should seek help.

She is shouting from the rooftops that he’s her man yet he maintains a quiet ambiguity. They are “exclusive. Kinda together but not really, but everyone close to us knows. With no title.” Right. That’s like being a little bit pregnant. It’s either one or the other but she doesn’t want to apply pressure so she plays her position.

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When “Daddy Issues” Interfere With Your Love Life

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Are your “Daddy Issues” interring with you love life? Are you unable to foster a healthy loving and meaningful relationship because you haven’t resolved the issues with the first man to ever enter you life? If you’ve answered yes, then this article is for you. Here’s one woman’s take on just how she , and many women like her, have been negatively affected by the love, the loss and the inconsistency in her own relationship with her father.

(A post dedicated to the good fathers is coming next week in honor of Father’s Day. This one is for the rest of them.)

The first thing I learned about love from a man is that it hurts.

“Daddy Issues”, as it’s so affectionately called, is another one of those jokes everyone uses but no one acknowledges may actually be true.

My dad was the dead beat exemplar. In and out of jail, drugs, another family, and just a general “can’t get right” type of man. And I loved him with everything I had.

Some women use “daddy issues” as an excuse to be a hoe or raging bitch. I’m neither…well today I’m not anyway. But my “daddy issues” are very real.

My mother warned one day I’d have to take him off that pedestal. When I was younger, no matter what he didn’t do, the times he didn’t come through, or the continuous cycle of disappointments, I LOVED him. I clung to the times he did do right like it was the holy grail and played the highlights reel of his fatherhood over and over to ease the nagging feeling that I was missing out on something in life.

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“I’m Black And Bipolar” By: Dee Rene

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Mental health is a very serious and real condition many people suffer with in silence. Often times it is shunned upon, swept under a rug and not discussed. Unfortunately, this is especially true in the black community. Here’s a personal story from our own Cotten Kandi contributor, Dee Rene;  the revelation she was bipolar and how she decided to cope.

This isn’t going to go away is it?

Last night, I fell asleep on top of a pile of clean laundry not because I’m lazy (the usual reason) but because I’d lost control again.

I felt defeated at myself and I breathed a sigh of reality – this shit is just not going to go away.

I am bipolar. And I am ashamed.

What a hypocrite I’ve become. I flood my timeline with advocacy for mental health awareness. It’s my hidden passion yet I rarely ever admit why except to say it’s an issue we need to recognize.

It’s an issue that almost took my life.

Being bipolar is a joke isn’t it? When people are moody we joke and say they are bipolar.

I believe I’ve even been called that on my twitter timeline for some of my rants and I remember recoiling and thinking “if you only knew.” Although my rants are never episodes. I’m just loud for no reason, even in print.

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