The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge: The Final Experiment

Thirty days are up and we must get the scoop on the last few days of Jeff’s online dating experiment. We’ll hear from Jeff about his overall experience and get an update on some of his more infamous dates!

Catch up if you missed it!
Part 1: The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge

Part 2: The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge: The Crazy & The Delusional

What do you think about the experiment overall?
It was good. I got out to see a lot of women and went on a lot of dates. Which was kind of expensive. Met new people and it was a new experience. And hopefully this last one can be my girlfriend.

If you had to do it all over again, what would you do differently?

I wouldn’t change much except I wouldn’t use the free site. The paid site was better. If you are paying you get more out of it and more people you’d be interested in talking to versus the free site.

Maybe I would sign up at a different time. I got more hits at the very beginning of January. Maybe people signed up to try something new with the New Year but my account has had a lot of hits in the past 2 days.

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So let’s go through the dates that stuck out the most in your mind.

What happened to Jennifer also known as “Ms. 90 day rule”?
We did have sex after like 2 weeks. I wanted to see if could break the 90 day rule and I did. Which sounds horrible I know. It wasn’t like I broke it to see if I could, she wanted me to break it.

She told you that?
Yea. Jennifer said she knew she wanted to sleep with me when she first met me. When I asked her about the 90 day thing she said if someone sticks around that long then they deserve it. And she was seeing if I would stick around that long. But then Jennifer said she felt genuine about me and that something could happen with us so she gave it up.

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The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge (Part 2): The Crazy And The Delusional

On our last entry, Jeff had just entered the world of online dating and experienced not one, but TWO hell dates.

Here’s the story in case you missed it: The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge.

Jeff decided to try something new. Several online dating sites now have “mixers.”
The purpose of mixers is to get everyone online to meet offline in a low pressure
environment. It’s like taking your friends/followers list and having a cocktail party.

One name tag and a few conversations later, Jeff is waiting in the “holding room”
waiting for the women to be let into the room. He described the situation as cattle. Men were herded into one room and women were then shuffled in after browsing the list of attendees.

Oh because that’s not awkward at all.

What did the women say when they met you?
Several of them complimented that I was attractive and had a good personality. I had a lot of women come up and talk to me. I was a little more dressed up than the other guys. They had on tshirts and jeans.

Did you meet anyone?
Yes. I connected with Jennifer who I found out works at my job. I knew she looked familiar. And a girl named Sasha.

Now here is where our story gets interesting….

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The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge!

Welcome to the 30 day online dating challenge…with a twist!

Dating someone online is like diving head first into a pool of Jello – seems like a fun new idea but when you actually jump in, it may not be everything you expected.

Meet Jeff. Jeff (name changed) is a single man with no children in a major city. He’s tired of the blind dates, meeting random women in the grocery store, and especially the hook-ups from friends. Jeff agreed to sign up for an online dating site and allow me to document his experiences for 30 days.

I asked Jeff about his expectations and he said, “It’s almost like you are trying to win the lottery. Maybe you don’t really expect to win, but you want to.“ But he was all in to give it a try!

There’s just one problem…Jeff had no clue how to write a profile.

I got a bright idea that adds a little twist to our experiment. I swooped in like Super Woman (but with a better outfit) and wrote Jeff’s online dating profile.

All the information is true. However, as a heterosexual woman, I have a pretty good idea of all the things that would catch my eye.

I vetoed the pictures he wanted to use that were bland or unflattering. Instead I selected more professional photos and some that showcased a little personality.

I picked out the best things about his personality and wrote them clearly, concisely, and with my own special brand of glitter. Basically I changed his original content of “I like hanging out, sports, and laughing with friends” to “I enjoy cheering (or booing) my favorite team and spending time with my friends cracking up. Life is way too short and I plan to enjoy it with great people and lots of jokes. ”

See the difference? Instead of just knowing the basics that sound like 1000 other profiles, we jazzed it up a bit and added a little humor too.

I also sent out Jeff’s first few messages to women. I showed him how to approach a woman online without sounding like a level 10 creep. Then I released him to the wolves to fend for himself.

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Online Dating: Dream or Nightmare? Real Stories From Real People

Would you stand at your wedding and tell everyone that you met your mate on Twitter?

Marcus says no. When it comes to online dating he’s still a traditionalist. “I’m more against online dating because of the fact that I don’t believe in meeting people at random. I don’t trust meeting them randomly and being able to vet them properly and trust they are a quality person and trust they won’t be an axe murder,” he explained.

In the past, Marcus has only dated women he’s met through other friends. He believes online dating is only for people who are really looking to meet a future wife/husband right now and he’s just not in that place in life.

Cassandra is also against online dating. She said, “I find that online dating allows someone to create a persona that reflects how they would LIKE others to see them not how they truly are. I’d also prefer to meet someone in person so I can see exactly what I’m getting and vice versa in terms of attraction and chemistry.” She also prefers meeting people through friends and putting them through an extensive vetting process (i.e. asking the friends question about the potential boo) before getting involved.

But the reality is it is 2012 and not everyone is meeting their potential mate in the frozen food section of the grocery store. What do you do when your friends-of-friends has dried up and the local bar scene isn’t yielding any great results? We’ll hear from a man and woman who are just starting on their journey to date online.

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Should Women Be Paying For Dates?!

Are you serious? Women Paying for Dates?

Perhaps this goes back to many moons ago when men paid 10 cows to the family to
marry a woman. Maybe it goes back further than that. No one really knows. What really matters, however, is that some women out there have never (and I mean never) even thought about paying for a date.

But maybe times are changing…

The notion that a man should pay for a date stems from the idea that men are providers. It’s true that before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him a job and men should have something to contribute to the family (financially). However, does that always mean a man should always pay on dates?

Absolutely not.

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Overcoming Domestic Violence: “I Never Thought It Would Be Me”

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month we thought it would be a great idea to touch on this sensitive topic by sharing one woman’s ordeal on how she wound up in a violent relationship and how she overcame it. Here’s her story.

“I Never Thought It Would Be Me” By: Dee Rene

The first time he called me a “Bitch” I was too shocked to say anything.

A lot of times we watch Lifetime movies or hear the stories of friends and think, “That’ll never be me.” It’s never going to be you until it is you. Everyone’s brave when they aren’t in the situation.

But he wasn’t hitting me.

That’s what I kept telling myself as his comments grew colder and colder and his words beat me up every night. He wasn’t hitting me so it wasn’t abuse.

I felt terrible. I felt like the bottom of the earth and scum on his shoe. We’d have good days, and then he’d blow up at the smallest thing and put me out and not take my calls. Then he’d call a few days later and apologize claiming he was stressed and loved me still. He’d beg to be back in my life. He’d apologize for the hurtful things he said and he’d be the man I loved again for a few days.
A small trigger and my name would change.

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Are You Waiting To Be Loved?

“Don’t be the girl that waits…” – the character Ethan in the movie Something Borrowed

If you’ve never seen the movie Something Borrowed, let me give you the two minute version. A mousy chick is in love with this guy, who is about to marry her best friend. He eventually also realizes he’s in love with the mousy chick. They end up screwing and happily ever after, much to the dismay of her best friend. No one dies or goes to jail.

The quote above, however, is said to the mousy girl by her male BFF about half way through the movie. He says to her, “don’t be the girl that waits” because all this time she’d just been waiting on the guy to notice how great they would be together. The quote stuck with me because many of us are WAITING to jump into a relationship with a guy who knows how much you care, claims to care as well, but never seems to make that plunge. Remember Mr. Big and Carrie in Sex and the City? Same thing. Carrie spent years waiting for Big to finally come around and love her consistently and permanently.  But that took TEN YEARS. Although it worked out in the movie, do you really want to be that woman? The one who waits? Granted things do take time to come together, but what happened to Carrie is the exception – not the rule. There’s a difference between patience and foolery. Most of us will find ourselves as the rule and the rule states “this shit will NOT end well.”

So how can you tell if you are in this situation?

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WHO YOU CALLING A HOE?

WHO YOU CALLING A HOE?

Now it seems that every time a woman has sex with more than one man she’s a hoe. There are all types of ridiculous rules such as “if you sleep with more than 3 people in a year you a hoe!” Excuse me? What if she just enjoys sex?

Women who are safe and sexually active are QUICKLY labeled a hoe because they enjoy sex for pleasure. No, it doesn’t work that way.

Let’s take your average, stereotypical hoe. When a man walks by, she somehow ends up naked. There’s no discretion. Whether he’s married, involved, crazy, employed or anything else that would keep a “good” woman away she is down to ride (pun intended). She’s always up for her next sexual conquest. Now, change that scenario from a woman seeking sexual conquest to a man doing the same. It’s a totally different story right? He’s out just being a man and that’s perfectly acceptable. I understand we live in a world of double standards, but this is also why I don’t believe in calling a woman a hoe simply because she enjoys sex.

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Me, Him, and His Female Best Friend

So there’s this guy.

He asks you to come along one day to pick out a gift for his best friend. Instead of making a turn into the DVDs and sports section, you all hang a quick right into the women’s department of Macy’s.

Wait a minute.

This gorgeous man that you’ve finally snagged has a FEMALE best friend? How is that even possible?

Initially, you hope she’s a hobgoblin and married.  You hope that when you see a picture of her you’ll quickly understand how and why she got friend zoned. Then the devil, also known as Facebook, informs you that this woman isn’t a hobgoblin at all. In fact, she’s quite the opposite and seems to be a really good person….and single.

Now your mind begins to race to all those other men who told you that another woman was “like a sister to them” or a “close friend” only to realize he was blowing her back out one summer in 2010 and they still occasionally mess around now. You begin to wonder if she’s been secretly waiting in the friend zone all this time for an opportunity to pounce on him.

But this time it’s different. He swears to high heaven that no matter their relationship in the past (if there even was one) their current friendship is purely platonic.

How do you deal with a man who has a female best friend?

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My Waiting To Exhale Moment

Have you ever believed you’ve loved someone more than you’ve loved yourself? If so, then this one’s for you.

I was tired. I mean tired… TIRED. I was emotionally, mentally and physically drained from a relationship I’d given all of myself to. More than I’d given to me. More than I’d given to anybody.

I was young and naive; looking at the glass half full in many of life’s scenarios and wanted to keep an optimistic viewpoint of the world. I didn’t want to allow heartache to make me jaded. I didn’t want life’s disappointments to make me complacent; being of the world instead of above it. But here’s the truth. I was stupid. THE END.

It was nearly seven years in the making. We were childhood sweethearts, school mates and he became my first love. They say the first cut is the deepest, and man, are they right!

I don’t know if I couldn’t see the signs or didn’t want to. By the time I’d realized I needed to let him go, a long time ago, he was a smooth talking, high school drop out, pot head, lacking ambition, delusional liar and an insecure iota of man.

At this point I was a sophomore in college. I’d always done pretty well in school, was self-motivated, and wanted to conquer the world with everything love, peace, righteousness and justice! Clearly he was holding me back.

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How “Damaged” Women Lose Good Men

“You get a good man, then you b*tches act simple.” – Troy to Robin in the movie Waiting to Exhale

If you’ve seen this movie, you know Troy wasn’t really a good man, but his point still stands.

Women out there are getting good men and then acting SIMPLE. It’s equivalent to buying a toddler an expensive toy. Although the toddler may enjoy the toy you can’t count on the toddler to have the maturity level to truly take care of and appreciate the toy.

Recently, I’ve had quite a few conversations with scorned women who are encountering good men for the first time like Aliens finally landing on Earth. And they are screwing up the situation more than ever. Are you doing the same?

Five ways you may be acting simple with a good man:

1.The Ex that Never Goes Away: Nobody, not anybody, nope not even him, wants to entertain too many stories about your ex. It’s great to provide context for why you feel certain ways or get upset over certain things but mention it once and leave it there. I understand. Your ex probably hurt you in ways that left you collapsed on the kitchen floor in a puddle of Oreos and prayer. However, a new man who is treating you well will start to wonder why you can’t seem to shake this ex in your mind and heart. Don’t give the impression that you aren’t over the past.
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Me, Him and His Baby

Loving a man with children can be difficult. The older you get, the more likely that your dating prospects start having little adorable crumb snatchers attached to them.

Now your relationship includes you, him, AND his baby.

This isn’t an article for those making a blended family in that you are both bringing children to the table. This article is for those of who are currently without children and considering dating a partner with a child.

It’s a common misconception that the baby mama is some outside force that doesn’t impact your relationship. Totally false. The baby mama will ALWAYS be there. Her thoughts, feelings, and schedule have to be taken into consideration whenever you may want to spend time with boo and his child. Perhaps she is full of drama so there are late night phone calls and screaming matches. Perhaps she isn’t quite over him and is using the child to win his love back. Or maybe she has it out to get him for leaving and is using the child as a pawn. Or maybe she is like MOST of the women I know and just a good mother who is trying to peacefully co-parent.

Either way, she is a presence to be considered.  However, your role in the relationship is not to take her on woman-to-woman. If you have no children of your own, you can never truly understand what she may be feeling towards the situation and unless she comes out the door to fight you – you’ll have to leave that up to your boo to handle any confrontational situations.

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