Would you stand at your wedding and tell everyone that you met your mate on Twitter?
Marcus says no. When it comes to online dating he’s still a traditionalist. “I’m more against online dating because of the fact that I don’t believe in meeting people at random. I don’t trust meeting them randomly and being able to vet them properly and trust they are a quality person and trust they won’t be an axe murder,” he explained.
In the past, Marcus has only dated women he’s met through other friends. He believes online dating is only for people who are really looking to meet a future wife/husband right now and he’s just not in that place in life.
Cassandra is also against online dating. She said, “I find that online dating allows someone to create a persona that reflects how they would LIKE others to see them not how they truly are. I’d also prefer to meet someone in person so I can see exactly what I’m getting and vice versa in terms of attraction and chemistry.” She also prefers meeting people through friends and putting them through an extensive vetting process (i.e. asking the friends question about the potential boo) before getting involved.
But the reality is it is 2012 and not everyone is meeting their potential mate in the frozen food section of the grocery store. What do you do when your friends-of-friends has dried up and the local bar scene isn’t yielding any great results? We’ll hear from a man and woman who are just starting on their journey to date online.
What made you try online dating?
She said: Being newly single again, I don’t go out as much anymore and I don’t have the interest in spending money to go out to a club every time. Online dating is perfect for me because it’s for the lazy girl who wants to date but doesn’t feel like going out to meet people in random places. I can log on see who is there and weed through it as I see fit.
He said: I wanted to find something new. Some of the other things I’ve tried like blind dates and setting up with friends always ended badly. I won’t say this is the last straw but it kinda was. Every woman thinks that their friend is perfect but there’s a reason why they are single. So that wasn’t working.
Do you have any fears about dating online?
She said: No more fears than I feel like anybody should have in the real world. It’s as easy to meet a crazy person at the bar as it is online. I don’t fear that anyone is who they aren’t. I do a vetting process to see if I want to give them my real number or just through the messenger. Once I take it offline and into my phone, I need a picture that’s not posted, I need to video chat so that takes away some of the fears.
He said: Yes, that it might be a man. I also fear that people posting pictures from the past and it’s been 15 years, 3 kids and 20 stretch marks later. Or running into gold diggers.
You just have to really turn into an investigator talking to people to make sure they are who they say they are or that the photos are real.
How do you weed through profiles?
She said: It’s a very instantaneous process. I go with my first instinct. Sometimes I throw a bone out there (a message). For the most part I look at shallow factors like looks and then the profile. If you are posing as a gang member and I can’t tell it’s a joke then I’m not going to message you. It’s as shallow to that or as deep as your profile is like “I am a serious person and pay all my bills and want a woman like that too.” On the basic level aren’t we all doing that? I won’t throw a bone for the things we are supposed to do.
If you are presenting yourself in a different kind of light that makes me want to send you a message. Like one guy said he really likes hang gliding. That tells me he takes risks and what type of person he is versus “I’m about my business and I like a woman about her business!” That doesn’t tell me anything so I’ll pass.
He said: I see if their pictures match their profiles. She can’t say she’s a God fearing woman in the profile and have a picture of her in a see-through gown. I pay attention to how much skin she’s showing or if she’s got pictures of a bunch of material things. The type of pictures she has says a lot about her. For example, if all her photos are at the club, she’s not for me because I don’t club much anymore.
The profile is a snap shot of their personality. If there’s nothing really to be said then I stay away from that. You are selling yourself on the profile. If you can’t sell yourself why would I be interested? There has to be some substance there.
Have you had any negative experiences?
She said: Mostly when guys send me messages saying “hey”. I write the profile to give you clues about how to approach me. But all they want to do is say “damn girl you so sexy!” Those are the people I never respond too. I also had an ex find me on the site and message me again.
He said: Yes! I ran across the page of one of my friends old cut-buddy (sexual partner). And her profile was nothing like I’ve known her to be. I know her and that profile is 100% wrong and it makes me wary of the other women on there because they could be lying also.
What’s been your best experience so far?
She said: I have had a few fun conversations with guys. They just want to talk to someone who is normal. Even if they aren’t trying to take me out. There’s one guy I like so far and that started from a superficial message (I noticed he was cute and responded to his message although it wasn’t a really good first message). I feel we have a really good connection so I’m really excited to meet him.
He said: I’ve gotten hits all day long and talked to 3-4 women ever since starting my profile a day or so ago. It’s interesting at least. I’ve got a coffee date with a woman who doesn’t live far from me and seems like a good match too.
Would you tell your friends about your online dating experiences? Or recommend online dating?
She said: I haven’t really told a lot of people. One of my friends who knows is also up there so she really can’t judge. I told my mom and at first she was like that’s crazy, but she understands now that I explained it. I haven’t gotten any weird reactions mostly because I haven’t really shared it with a lot of people. I told some co-workers because they find it interesting. They don’t seem judgmental. Like it’s a new age thing to do. I generally don’t share much about my dating life which is why I haven’t really told anyone.
I’d tell other people to try it because we are older now so trying to meet people is hard, unless they are people you work with, family, friends.
He said: I haven’t told my friends yet because I’m waiting to see how it goes. If it doesn’t go well I won’t tell them. I’ve done a lot of stuff online so why not try this. I’d recommend it to my friends too.
It’s something new. You’ll be going on more dates and who knows what else could happen.
Well there you have it! Would you try it? Have you had success dating online? Or was it all a horror story?
Sound off and tell us about it!
In the next article I’ll be following someone on their journey for 30 days! They’ll try online dating and we’ll get to share in the experience. Stay tuned!
Dee Rene is the creator of Laugh.Cry.Cuss. Visit http://laughcrycuss.com to read more. Follow her @deerene_lcc