In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month we thought it would be a great idea to touch on this sensitive topic by sharing one woman’s ordeal on how she wound up in a violent relationship and how she overcame it. Here’s her story.
“I Never Thought It Would Be Me” By: Dee Rene
The first time he called me a “Bitch” I was too shocked to say anything.
A lot of times we watch Lifetime movies or hear the stories of friends and think, “That’ll never be me.” It’s never going to be you until it is you. Everyone’s brave when they aren’t in the situation.
But he wasn’t hitting me.
That’s what I kept telling myself as his comments grew colder and colder and his words beat me up every night. He wasn’t hitting me so it wasn’t abuse.
I felt terrible. I felt like the bottom of the earth and scum on his shoe. We’d have good days, and then he’d blow up at the smallest thing and put me out and not take my calls. Then he’d call a few days later and apologize claiming he was stressed and loved me still. He’d beg to be back in my life. He’d apologize for the hurtful things he said and he’d be the man I loved again for a few days.
A small trigger and my name would change.
What was my name?
“Bitch.” “Hoe.” “Slut.” “Liar.”
I heard those names so much it started to sink in. So I isolated myself from the friends he said were influencing me the wrong way. Friends who told me he was bad for me. Any male friends I had at the time must have thought I died because I could never talk to them. I remember when I waved to a guy friend and my partner went off. Called me a slut and accused me of sleeping and flirting with the guy.
But he wasn’t hitting me.
Walking on egg shells became the norm. His temper was absurd and at some point I wasn’t even sure what set him off anymore. His negativity sullied my own spirit and my smile faded. But every few days he’d be the man I loved and we’d be happy. My smile would return and it seemed like right when it did, he’d do everything in his power to knock it right back off with some rude comment or accusation.
Why did I stay? I loved him. And everyone thinks you know what you’ll do when it’s you in the situation and not a movie, but you don’t. Love is a helluva drug and often makes you comatose to knowing better.
I kept telling myself that as long as he wasn’t hitting me I was okay. We argued. All couples argued right? But did the woman have to walk away feeling disrespected, unloved, unvalued, and broken?
Verbal and emotional abuse silently kills women. Women are driven to suicide, poor decisions, miscarriages, and overall broken spirits due to this type of abuse. And we rationalize that if someone isn’t hitting us that it’s not “real” abuse.
But the damage from this type relationship can stay with you just as long as a broken bone or bruise.
If a relationship doesn’t make you feel like your best self it’s time to evaluate what’s going on. No partner should ever make you feel like you don’t matter. My partner never cared about how I felt or how his words impacted me. He would make me feel like I was the reason why his anger exploded or that it was my fault for everything that went wrong.
He beat me up internally.
He wasn’t hitting me. But this was just as bad.
I got out and sought help. I hope that you’ll do the same.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month – http://www.ncadv.org/takeaction/DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth.php
For more from Dee Rene visit Dee’s own blog over at LaughCryCuss.com