It’s homecoming season! For those that didn’t attend college or who’d rather forget they did, let me enlighten you on why this is the adult version of Christmas coming twice in one year.
College is a time many of us came into ourselves. Or so we thought. It’s likely just the time we tried to stay out of jail, cried too long over someone who didn’t deserve it, and somehow slept comfortably (with a partner too) on a twin extra long bed. We lived off $3 a day but had the time of our lives. Adulthood hit us like a brick and it’s not long after graduation that you realize you can never go back to that level of irresponsible joy that you had in college.
Homecoming rolls around and everyone is given a free “hot mess” pass. You can drink, party, canoodle, and run-a-muck until your heart’s content free of judgment.
But there are rules. There are ALWAYS rules.
- Everything you do will be posted on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagramm, and Twitter. Govern yourself accordingly so that you don’t have to explain to your boss why there is a collage of you drunk on the dance floor floating around the office. And I, we mean everything.
- Drama lives on. You have grown up and grown past all the drama you may have had in undergard but not everyone is so fortunate. There’s ALWAYS one person who can never let it go. Prepare bail and lawyer money in advance. It will be documented on YouTube.
- Sex Debts – A sex debt is quite simply someone owing you sex. Remember Mr./Ms. Sexy from your English 101 class? The one you never quite gave the goodies to but you wanted to and they knew it? They are coming to collect like Sallie Mae. Prepare your answer in advance. Pack sexy panties or condoms just in case.
- Homecoming Hookups Don’t Count – Collecting on sex debts do not count into your overall life total. Remember – what happens at homecoming stays at homecoming (Except babies and disease so wrap it up!). Discretion is key! (See point 1)
- Brag but don’t Fake it – Show up looking like new money. Win the “most improved” award. Tell everyone about your fabulous new job or car. BUT don’t be fake. Consider that someone, somewhere, can prove you are who you say you are…or that you aren’t.
- Remember how old you are – You are not, I repeat, are NOT 19 anymore. Dropping it low on the dance floor and killing your liver will catch up with you quickly. Remember you have to survive for at least 2 full days. Try not to hurt your hip or pass out and miss it all.
- Friends? Friends. Friends! – Despite #2, homecoming is time to catch up with all your old friends. You’ll make promises to keep in touch and hopefully you keep some of them. Homecoming makes you realize who you’ve outgrown (Friends?), who remains solid (Friends.) and who you need back in your life (Friends!).
- Everybody Changes – Try to look your best (#1) but keep in mind that everybody changes. Try not to make the “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?” face if you can hardly recognize someone because life beat them up so bad. Just wave and keep going. If anything, try not to be the person people make that face at if you can.
- IF you can’t afford it, stay home – Not everyone has a lot of disposable income. No one expects you to rent a private plane to attend. However, you need to make sure you have your essentials covered. It’s a celebration! There will be dinners, drinks, and events. Don’t turn into a pauper trying to live like a King for a weekend. Remember – no faking it!
- Enjoy every moment – You can never go back to college and relive your late teens early twenties again. If you really think about, you probably don’t want to do that anyway. But take advantage of some of your closest friends being in walking distance again. Trade stories, take lots of photos/videos and pause to appreciate who you were and who you are now. It’s only once a year and one day you’ll be too old even to pretend to re-live it all again.
Homecomings are sacred times in the lives of those not quite ready for adulthood. You get to enjoy the perks of college without the perils. So take note of the rules and most of all laugh until your face hurts.
Just remember you DO return to real life on Monday. Adult hood still sucks. But there will be pictures to remind you how much fun you had and body aches to remind you how glad you are that this only happens once a year.
Written By: Dee Rene