“Why the Independent Woman Struggles with Dating” By: Dee Rene
You’ve seen her before right? Much to the tune of the Webbie and Lil Boosie beat – “She got her own car, she got her own house, work hard, two jobs, she a bad broad…” And all the while she’s scream independent, she goes home to cuddle with silence and pillows at night.
In my young career life I’ve had quite a bit of success. By all calculations I’m independent, well except for the occasional “mama I’m sick and don’t know what to take” phone call. I’ve not relied on anyone to give me anything even when I didn’t have a dime to my name after college. I went to food banks, shopped at thrift stores and worked damn hard to now be a self-sufficient career woman that can eat, shop AND pay bills at the same damn time.
And by all calculations, I’ll be single forever.
I read somewhere on twitter a while back that men want to feel needed. They want to know they serve a purpose in your life to do something for you that you cannot do for yourself. In my mind, there’s some obvious things I cannot do for myself that a man can do for me (batteries only go so far). But it’s true that sometimes I cannot think of anything else. Financially I can do it myself or I will find a way. Emotionally I’m a self-soother and isn’t that what my girlfriends are for? Spiritually Jesus and I have a close prayer relationship so I’m not lost there. Mentally I read books and engage in online communities of discussion and coffee shop banter so I have that covered too.
Independence becomes armor. I never let myself down so why would I give someone else the opportunity? Why would I rely on someone else to do something and risk that it isn’t done?
Like a train out a tunnel came introspection like no other. Independent women have trouble in dating because we don’t understand that we must sometimes take a step back to let a man take a step up. We must also know and understand the “roles” we must play in a relationship.
Even if I don’t TECHNICALLY need a man to do anything for me and have survived this long on my own – I have to LET him do some things without throwing it in his face that I CAN and WOULD do it on my own.
Continue Reading over at Tattle Tailzz
Check out Dee Rene’s own blog over at LaughCryCuss.com