“Don’t be the girl that waits…” – the character Ethan in the movie Something Borrowed
If you’ve never seen the movie Something Borrowed, let me give you the two minute version. A mousy chick is in love with this guy, who is about to marry her best friend. He eventually also realizes he’s in love with the mousy chick. They end up screwing and happily ever after, much to the dismay of her best friend. No one dies or goes to jail.
The quote above, however, is said to the mousy girl by her male BFF about half way through the movie. He says to her, “don’t be the girl that waits” because all this time she’d just been waiting on the guy to notice how great they would be together. The quote stuck with me because many of us are WAITING to jump into a relationship with a guy who knows how much you care, claims to care as well, but never seems to make that plunge. Remember Mr. Big and Carrie in Sex and the City? Same thing. Carrie spent years waiting for Big to finally come around and love her consistently and permanently. But that took TEN YEARS. Although it worked out in the movie, do you really want to be that woman? The one who waits? Granted things do take time to come together, but what happened to Carrie is the exception – not the rule. There’s a difference between patience and foolery. Most of us will find ourselves as the rule and the rule states “this shit will NOT end well.”
So how can you tell if you are in this situation?
1. He Dates Everyone Else, But You
I once was madly in love with a guy for YEARS. This is starting from high school on through college. I just knew we were meant to be together but when it came to seriously dating me, he always had some reason why we weren’t together. The main reason being “he wasn’t ready.” That was completely fine until he turned around and had a girlfriend. When a man knows you are interested in him and still chooses to date someone else, pack your bags and head out.
2. He Keeps You Eating Scraps
Scraps are just enough love and attention to keep you from dying of starvation, but not enough to actually make you full. Typically this sounds a lot like future promises in an undefined time called “one day.” One day we’ll be together. One day I’ll do right by you. You’ll be great for me one day. If someone is constantly telling you that you’ll be together “one day” and the days keep rolling by, they may be just stalling to not lose you as an option while they wait on a better option. Then they only settle down with you if that better option never comes. The problem is that you are now in emotional purgatory and slowly starving to death on scraps of his love. Move on to find a full course meal who wants you “today” rather than “one day.”
3. You Must Prove Your Worth
I had a friend tell me about a woman that got engaged to her long time struggle-realtionship-on-again-off-again-for-10-year-boo. He was close friends with the soon-to-be-groom and asked him why he decided to propose now. The guy said “because I put her through a lot and she still stuck around. I guess she deserves it after all that.” Come again? This is not a video game. You don’t have to go through the mazes and collect 75 gold coins to win the prince at the end. A man who is purposefully shaking the boat to see if you’ll fall off doesn’t value your emotions or well-being. Sure you could stay and prove you are a fighter, but why prove you can take a beating and still smile? Move on. Know your worth and know that you never have to make someone VALUE you if they won’t do so at their own free will.
4. He Doesn’t Let You Move On
So maybe you did it. Maybe you finally got fed up and LEFT. Now there are roses at your office and he’s standing outside with a boom box blasting love songs. Sometimes this works out for the best. Maybe he did have to wise up and realize you won’t wait forever. But be careful if he comes running after you only when he sees you happy (or trying to be) without him or with someone else. It could all just be a ploy to pacify you back to your comfortable position on the lay-way-of-love shelf. You’ll be more mad at yourself to come back and realize you did all that work to still be waiting.
Being the woman who waits MIGHT work out in your favor. At the end of that long rainbow, he could open up his eyes and say “wait, the best woman for me has been putting up with me, there for me, watching me date other women, and still loving me. I’ll marry her!” He could be your pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. But what if it’s not? At the end of this glorious rainbow could be your pot of gold, or a steaming pile of bullshit. I personally wouldn’t risk it. Would you?
Article originally appears on TattleTailzz.com