Loving a man with children can be difficult. The older you get, the more likely that your dating prospects start having little adorable crumb snatchers attached to them.
Now your relationship includes you, him, AND his baby.
This isn’t an article for those making a blended family in that you are both bringing children to the table. This article is for those of who are currently without children and considering dating a partner with a child.
It’s a common misconception that the baby mama is some outside force that doesn’t impact your relationship. Totally false. The baby mama will ALWAYS be there. Her thoughts, feelings, and schedule have to be taken into consideration whenever you may want to spend time with boo and his child. Perhaps she is full of drama so there are late night phone calls and screaming matches. Perhaps she isn’t quite over him and is using the child to win his love back. Or maybe she has it out to get him for leaving and is using the child as a pawn. Or maybe she is like MOST of the women I know and just a good mother who is trying to peacefully co-parent.
Either way, she is a presence to be considered. However, your role in the relationship is not to take her on woman-to-woman. If you have no children of your own, you can never truly understand what she may be feeling towards the situation and unless she comes out the door to fight you – you’ll have to leave that up to your boo to handle any confrontational situations.
Be cordial and polite because unlike most situations when another woman is involved, a child’s mother is NOT your sworn enemy. Seek peace and harmony whenever possible.
Understand that occasionally your man may be frustrated in ways you can’t understand. He’ll need to vent. You’ll need to be careful of the advice you offer and not putting him in a tug-of-war to make you happy and keep a peaceful relationship with his child’s mother at the same time.
The most important factor in this situation is the child. Before you even go there you must ask yourself are you ready to be a step-mom? If you don’t see this going past a few dates then that’s nothing to consider. But if you consider this man to be THE ONE, you have to realize that you won’t just marry him, you’ll marry into the family he has which includes a son or daughter.
Dating a man with a child comes down to how understanding you are and if you are at a point in your life to let go of selfish desires. Not everyone is at that point and that’s quite alright. His money and his time are first directed towards supporting and developing a relationship with his child. Some women tend to find issue with this although it’s no different than if he had a really busy schedule or was saving for some business venture. However, the difference between those scenarios and a child is that financial support and time for a child are non-negotiable. He can’t just call out of seeing his child or decide to dip into the savings to make you happy. Are you willing to understand that you aren’t first although in every other relationship you’ve had in your life you were?
The key here, ladies, is to realize one simple fact – it’s not about you. A man who neglects his child to make you happy is a bum. Don’t date bums.
A “Me, Him, and His Baby” relationship are not for the faint of heart, the selfish, or the immature. And no one is saying there is something wrong with you if you aren’t ready. However, we all grow up sometime and the older you get the more likely this is something to consider. Many can find the adjustments in regards to a child to be intimidating. Nevertheless, in your previous relationships there were adjustments to get used to regarding time, finance, external factors and the struggle of blending lives. Blending lives with him and his baby can be a beautiful experience but only if you are ready for the responsibility.