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I Love Him, I Hate His Sex. Now What?


It’s not even your birthday, and he wants to lick the icing off.

You lay back anticipating the most pleasurable experience of your life. The kissing is intoxicating and you can feel, ahem, that he has something very large to offer.

It’s go time.

Five minutes later you are looking at the ceiling wondering how in the hell he’d made it this far through life without knowing that his sex is TERRIBLE. In his mind, he’s winning the gold medal too. Making all that noise! Is he really breaking a sweat? You may even wonder if this whole shebang could be accomplished without you present.

It’s really GO time now, like go the hell away.

But what if you love him? How do you tell a partner you love that his loving is atrocious?

Be forewarned that any attack on a man’s sexual performance will be considered an attack on his most sensitive side  – his ego. When you attack his ego, you may as well be kicking a baby puppy with steel toe boots on. He’ll get defensive and may even blame it on you. “My ex had no complaints!” he’ll say. If that happens, do not retort with “That’s why she left you anyway!” I won’t explain how I know.

Start with gentle suggestions in the moment. If you give directions while having sex, it’s seen more as ‘taking control’ which can be sexy. This does not mean pull out a whistle and start barking out directions. If he’s stroking the wrong way, move your hips a little so he’s pushing in the right direction. If he’s thrusting too powerfully or not enough, switch positions so that you have more control (on top) and show him your favorite speed.  Gently encouraging or making small adjustments in the bedroom is a way to change his behavior without crushing his ego.

Maybe it’s not a terrible stroke, maybe it’s just BORING. After another night with subpar love making, you have to pull out the big guns. Start bringing up your fantasies for different things. Maybe you like food in the bedroom, or sexy-time movies, or certain toys. Take a surprise field trip during date night. Plan the date and suggest you’ll drive.  Flirt with him over dinner and suggest you know this little place with great dessert. Offer to drive and take your boo right over to the sex shop. It helps to play Rihanna’s “cake” along the way. I heard.

If your man isn’t receptive to the ideas above, perhaps it’s time to just have a conversation. Not everyone can take a hint. Your sex could be terrible together because you don’t truly know each other’s sexual desires – especially in a new relationship. Engaged your man in conversational foreplay where you start putting all your cards on the table. Consider again that he may be defensive, so you’ll have to make the environment as loving as possible. You can start with questions such as “What’s your fantasy?” “What turns you on more than anything?” “If you could be a sexy-time movie star, what would your name be and what trick would you do?” Make the questions silly or as freaky as you want. Try to pull out what your partner likes from the way they enjoy kissing to how they enjoy to climax. Once you get on the same page mentally, it can only transform to more sexual satisfaction.

We love relationships and sharing intimacy with a partner. However, bad sex can cause tension for a couple and even lead to resentment. Don’t be afraid to open up about what you like and be warned that your sex may not be as great as you think either. The great thing about relationships is being vulnerable and understanding that you will grow and change together – especially if you get a great orgasm out of it in the process.

For more articles by Dee Rene, visit Laugh.Cry.Cuss at http://laughcrycuss.com


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  • yeah yeah yeah kinda! good suggestions. but where’s the balance?