Disclaimer: This post is not for hoes. This post is not for virgins. This is for normal, sexually active women in between.
“So how many men have you slept with….”
Blow the candles out and turn off Maxwell because he just killed the mood. For some reason, men keep asking this question to the despair of women everywhere. This question leaves us with no other choice but to lie. Here’s how it goes…
By the time he asks about sexual history, he probably has an idea of how many past relationships she’s had. So when he asks how many men she’s slept with, it’s only logical that she can’t go below that number of past relationship or the lie is exposed.
If she’s had 4 boyfriends in life, she’ll tell a man she slept with 5 people. Of course she slept with the four boyfriends and there was that one random summer fling. He considers this accurate and excuses the summer fling as you being young and carefree. All is well.
Here’s what he doesn’t know. There was more than one summer fling and there’s some “boyfriends” that weren’t official so they don’t get mentioned. Take the square root of a white lie and divide by fear and her actual number is somewhere near 10. Whether that’s a high number to you or not, those were HER choices and they are DONE now.
However, if she tells the man her number is 10 he starts wondering. Who were these other 6 random men that you slept with outside of relationships? Now he starts thinking. The worst thing you can do is give a man space to think and fuel for his imagination. Before the end of the night, he’s concluded that you were on a corner somewhere calling yourself Ms. Cocoa Fire sleeping with every man that passed by.
He wants a virgin that can please him like a porn star in the bedroom and, in his mind she learned all these tricks from books. Let me enlighten you – if she knows how to do anything sexually it’s because she has done it before. Don’t worry about HOW she can backbend like that, just be happy she does.
A man doesn’t really want to know how many people a woman’s slept with, he wants to make sure he’s not dating a hoe. That is perfectly understandable. We know we live in a world of double standards. Even if his number is 100, he assigns a threshold number that she cannot pass. This ‘one size fits all’ hoe label is absurd and shouldn’t TRUMP everything else about her.
Kanye West said it best – you are worried about the wrong things.
On the surface, a question about the number of sexual partners she’s had is an innocent question. However, he will crucify her or hold her closer depending on her answer. What’s sad is that if she doesn’t answer it’s assumed she has something to hide. He knows she is going to lie. She knows she is going to lie. Now she’s lied to you to appease your ego and insecurities, disguised as curiosity, and have accomplished nothing.
In conclusion, stop asking this stupid question. Start asking the REAL questions:
- Do you have an STD/STI? Where is your paperwork?
- How do you feel about children or abortion?
- Is our sexual relationship monogamous?
- Here are my close friends; did you sleep with any of them?
Move on to the real questions and set your focus on the future. As long as the past is not truly impacting your present, let it go.
Written By: Dee Rene, LaughCryCuss.com