Always the Hoe, Never the Housewife

Why is it that some women are always the hoe and never the housewife?

Admittedly, the two words I’m using –hoe and housewife – are more for alliterations sake. Always the bridesmaid and never the bride were just a little too cupcake for me.

I don’t mean hoe in a literal sense (that’s another post in itself). I mean hoe as in the one he smangs and entertains but stops short of making it official. Housewife translates to the woman he gives a title or even better a ring. So why do you find yourself in one lane more often than the other?

First, there’s that whole thing about incompatibility. Perhaps you all get along great in bed and on dates but what about long term? Often our goals don’t line up but as women we want to ‘make it work’ because he is a ‘good man.’ Well good man doesn’t always mean good man for YOU. He may recognize this long before you catch the hint. This may be why he chooses to wife someone else, even though you all get along well.

Secondly, it has something to do with standards. No one is saying your standards should be so high he can’t reach them, but you should have some. We spend a lot of time playing it cool. We don’t want to come out and say “no I really do want a relationship with you.” Instead we become concerned with appearing “crazy” or applying “pressure.” I’m not suggesting you tell someone on the first date that you want to be in a relationship with them. I also won’t divulge if I’ve made that mistake in real life…ahem. BUT when you reach the point that in your heart you want this to be something more you have to speak up. A close friend once told me that men will meet the bar a woman sets or move on. If you continue to play it cool guess what he’s thinking? You are cool with how things are. No matter if he reaches for the bar you set or moves on, you are true to yourself and that’s what matters.

Sometimes life really is about timing. I’ve been called the trampoline chick. And yes I needed a moment of silence after that revelation. I end up in the hoe lane because I tend to meet people recently out (or still damaged) of a long term relationship. They’ve had some one-night-stands and a few dates but nothing serious. I am the first woman that he meets that makes him consider being in a relationship again. However, he’s still not quite ready. So he’ll bounce around with me but never quite make that next step. Then when I eventually get tired of the whatevership and move on. Next thing I know he spring board right into a relationship with the next one. Thank you Facebook for always making that my top news. There are other factors that can play into this but unfortunately not recognizing when someone is ‘relationship-ready’ can find you in anything BUT the housewife role.

Lastly, you may end up the hoe if you are emotionally slutty. Did he really need to know that your daddy isn’t worth anything and you’re a recovering alcoholic on date 2? Did you really need to let him know (or show him) how “wife-up-able” you can be on date 3? Probably not. Someone needs time to accept all of you. When you are emotionally slutty you are trusting too much of your heart too soon. You can easily find yourself banished to crazy-girl-vile. My mother says ‘why buy the cow when the milk is on sale. It’s probably spoiled. Something like that. Either way, don’t be THAT girl. Do not be so eager to be someone’s wife that you forget to guard your heart.

Someone will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. This doesn’t mean that everyone is going to treat you the way you desire or deserve. Take some time to reflect if you find yourself always the hoe and never the housewife.  You may find that you have more to do with it than you think.

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