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Would You Have an Open Relationship?


The media is all buzzing with anticipation. Since Rihanna decided to have her cake (well… Chris) and eat it too, everyone has speculated about their romantic reconnection. Did the reunion really stop at the studio? After all, there’s that minor detail about Chris having a girlfriend.

His girlfriend, Karrureche Tran, recently told the media that she and Chris have an open relationship. As in Chris is allowed to date (and possibly sleep with) whoever he wants and she does the same.

I tossed this question around on twitter and most agreed that this was not the lifestyle they’d want to live. Can you really have a relationship without monogamy?

Why it works.

Many people in our generation grew up watching parents and grandparents with old school values. You had one partner that you dated, married, and maintained strict loyalty. However, it seems that most relationships were torn apart by infidelity? Imagine they are giving you every emotional thing you need and sometimes sleeping with the nanny.

I believe most open-relationship couples adopt the antiquated military policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ The partners are turning a blind eye to what may be going on and also keeping their own shenanigans under wraps. This of course only works if everyone is honestly on the same page and not trying to pretend it’s okay when it’s really not.
As long as everyone is honest, open and communicating I can see how an open relationship would work.

Imagine some stranger popping up on your door step saying they are sleeping with your spouse.  You’d simply reply that’s nice and go back to watching the news. Amazing!

If you keep your body safe (super strength condoms), find partners who are understanding of the situation, and continue to treat your main squeeze right, everybody is happy. Your relationship could be strong, healthy, lasting and OPEN.

But that’s just not for me.

Why it doesn’t work (for me).

The thought of sharing the one I love with someone else is enough to make my skin crawl. Personally, I can’t possibly focus on two people at once. I can barely stay focused during a movie.

I’m also not able to pull apart my heart and my lady parts. Orgasms go straight to my heart and vice-versa. My love spending time and sharing physically with another person only leads me to believe they will fall for that person. And I’d rather avoid the sting of him leaving me for the side chick that I said it was okay for him to date.

I sometimes wonder if my disdain for an open relationship rests in selfishness. Romantic attention, to me, is from “A” to “B”. Not “A” to the whole alphabet and some numbers too. I’m not sure if I could handle being the one he loves during business hours Monday-Friday. Inside I’ll wonder why he can’t find all that sexual pleasure in me and only me. Especially because I know that I’ll find my pleasure solely in him.  Now I’m not naïve. Even when I’m committed, I can sometimes look at another man and my mind wonders. But my love for my man has always superseded that desire to actually follow through.

Is it okay to be selfish? Not in most cases. Will I continue to be selfish about this? You d*mn right.

We all draw our own boundary lines when it comes to love and relationships. I just know that an open relationship is WAY outside of mine.

Could you do it? Could you have an open relationship?


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