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Lost In Translation – Facebook and Valentine’s Day


Author: Bagande

“Lost in Translation”

Bitter people are the worst thing to happen to social media since Facebook stopped being exclusive.

As I sift through the war zone that is my Facebook page, I decided to translate some of the statuses I saw.

Jesus is My Valentine

Translation: Maybe hiding myself in religion will make others think I’m not as lonely as I am. No one can talk bad if you mention Jesus.

You either don’t really know Jesus or are an idiot. I’m probably voting for both. Valentine’s Day is a pagan holiday. No way in hell would Jesus descend from the throne to bring you some roses and a chocolate heart box. You aren’t proving that you love Him by mentioning Him in your status. I get the intention that you want to say Jesus provides the love in your life right now. HOWEVER, this just comes across as dumb AND lonely. Never be both.

Tasha “HateHimDon’tNeedHimLovingMyself” Brown

Translation: I want to pretend like he doesn’t matter, but I hope he sees this and gets mad. Or that he tries to win me back. Synonym: Desperate cry for attention.

If your Facebook middle name is anything other than your real middle name or possibly something related to a business, you are a creep. Secondly, if you are using that middle name to tell someone else how much you DON’T need them you are not making sense. When I’m done and over someone, I block them on Facebook. I don’t dedicate my name to them hoping that every time I update my status they’ll see how much I DON’T need them. When you exert that kind of energy to prove how much you DON’T want something – you are only fooling yourself.

I am my OWN Valentine. I don’t need a man for Valentine’s Day.

Translation: Nobody wants to take me out at all and all my friends are busy.

Whenever you declare yourself as your own best friend, lover, or Valentine, you are set up for failure. Single should not equate to lonely. This type of status lets everyone know you’ll be at home with your hair in a ponytail listening to Beyonce. The question I ask is “Why would you want to be your own valentine? Don’t you have friends?” Even when I haven’t been fortunate to have a lover on Valentine’s Day, I always made sure to have friends or family to spoil and love. There’s no need to be my own valentine. This person also tries to play catch by themselves.

Tasha is “playing my jam: Don’t you ever get to thinking…you are irreplaceable… SANG BEYONCE… “

Translation: I’m going to act like this is just my song of the moment but really this is a subliminal lonely message.

Serioulsy? You just so happened to play this song, at this moment, on this day? No one believes you that this is a matter of happenstance.  Any and all ‘I’m so independent I don’t need you’ song lyrics that are Facebooked or Tweeted are an accurate representation of your feelings on Valentine’s Day. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a playlist of your favorite bitter anthems, but I highly discourage you from exposing that play list to the world. Choose wisely or you will expose that your only company that night is you iPod.

F*CK Valentine’s Day

Translation: I’m bitter AND angry.

While some statuses are more subtle, this one exposes a far deeper issue. Why are you so angry? Who hurt you? Was he a cherub? It’s not necessary to broadcast your disdain for love all on the social networks. You voice to everyone around you that you are just not in a good place to love or be loved. That happens sometimes in life. We all find ourselves there. But do you have to be so angry and public about it? This type of status screams you are jaded with no hope of return.

There’s a time and place for everything. HOWEVER, there will never be a time or an internet place for these types of statuses. While you spend time on your social networking site this Tuesday, be sure you are conveying the type of message you really want to send. If all else, follow a simple rule. If you don’t have anything nice to say, log off.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Shout out to @Qs84 who suggested this topic. It was a pleasure to write.

– Dee Rene

Make sure to visit Dee’s blog, LaughCryCuss.com.


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