If you were ever misled before about your marital/ relationship status, there’s nothing like Valentine’s Day to bring it all into perspective. Valentine’s day comes every year and always comes in the most obnoxious manner. No sooner is Santa packed away for next year than the local store looks as though Cupid threw up all over the candy aisle.
And here come the bitter in all their social media glory. The same women, who were hurt in high school being the only ones without a ‘send your sweetheart’ a carnation, pack that hurt like carry-on luggage in their heart right into adulthood.
This particular article is for the Bitter Betty’s everywhere. I should know because I was one of them.
Not that you were any less single on February 13th than on February 14th but it is more difficult to hide on that particular day if you have not yet embraced your status.
Back in the day, your level of romance was on full display as you cradled your one sad carnation next to Ms. Popular who needed help carrying her bouquet and that ignorantly-giant bear from the bus stop.
“Here girl can you hold this,” she smiles.
You “gladly” help with a fake smile and mumbling something that PROBABLY ended in ‘b*tch.’
It shouldn’t have mattered at all but it did. Years pass by and the same scenario. Ms. Popular follows you into adulthood with 7000 roses from her husband in her cubicle.
“Hey girl can I put this here? I’m out of room,” she smiles.
You “gladly” offer your empty counter space and mumble something that DID end in ‘b*tch.’
I likely hold the record for worst Valentine’s Days ever. There was the one I was waiting on my then ‘boo’ to come pick me up only to realize I was being stood up for a date with his baby-mama. Or the time I had been dating (read: sleeping w/ the ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ man) for months to receive a 3.00 (price tag attached) chocolate heart candy box. Did I mention I’m allergic to chocolate?
Or the all-time favorite and you’ll need to read this one slowly.
This guy asked someone to pay for flowers as a favor to him. He’d expressed romantic interest in her and it’s a recession so of course she wanted to help him.
Unbeknownst to her the flowers she was paying for were actually going to ME – his girlfriend/boo at the time.
That’s got to be some sort of pimp-record to swindle your other romantic interest into paying for your girlfriend’s flowers. All hell broke loose when the swindle was discovered. Happy Valentine’s Day right?
We’ll just let all that sink in.
Given these ridiculous experiences associated with Valentine’s Day I began to be bitter. Every year, I kept replaying the painful memories that happened around that time.
It took many moons and many prayers to start asking real questions – Why wasn’t I okay being single?
My issue bordered on jealousy and resided fully in a lack of self-acceptance.
So how did I get over? I learned expressing disdain for a day of love because you do not have a romantic partner is counter-productive to your own happiness.
Love attracts love.
There’s no need to sit in my room, cry and play early Mary J Blige albums. It wasn’t until I embraced the other ways I was loved and could love that I started to let it go. I was single – not cursed. And no amount of angry Facebook status updates was going to change that.
Even on February 14th, happiness is a choice. It was up to me to get up, get dressed, and occupy my time, my mind and my spirit with thoughts of joy. Loving me meant not drinking the “I hate Valentine’s Day” poison kool-aid. This year, it’s an opportunity to love and be loved, romance or not, and to start replacing bad memories with great memories.
I won’t even “accidentally” knock one of Ms. Popular’s flowers over this year.
Amen for growth.