The saying, “Nice guys finish last,” especially when discussing matters of the heart, may hold true.
Mary J. Blige‘s latest single “Mr. Wrong” speaks volumes on the many Mr. Wrongs women choose on a daily basis. The song’s intro “Bad boys ain’t no good, and good guys ain’t no fun,” couldn’t have said it better. But the most interesting question is, why?
First, let’s look at the definition of a bad boy. According to the Urban Dictionary, a bad boy is “A young man who has many characteristics of a naughty boy: he’s independent and willful; he does what he wants when he wants; he doesn’t follow trends, they follow him; he often looks scruffy, but hip; he’s not looking for trouble, but there’s a sense of danger about him. For these reasons and more, he’s irresistible to women.
If you ask most women, however, they’d say they want a world wind romance with their very own prince charming. Much like the ones depicted in fairy tales we’ve all grown up on. From “Cinderella”, “Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs”, “Beauty & The Beast”, to “Sleeping Beauty”.
Ultimately, isn’t that what we all want? The “Happily Ever After”? Well, perhaps it’s not for everyone.
Let’s take a look at the seven most common reasons women like bad boys.
Not exactly in the order listed but here are seven points most relationship experts would say women gravitate towards bad boys.
- The Drama: Unfortunately, a relationship without drama, for some, is not much of a relationship. It may be exciting. The fights, disagreements and build up of emotions may be attractive, leading up to our second point.
- Good Sex: True love may be hard to find but good loving is harder to find. This one’s pretty straight forward. Good sex is good sex after all….
- Power Struggle : While some women ravish in powerful positions and being successful at work, they’d much rather prefer a man to be “a man” at home. Not many women want to be both the man and woman in her relationship. Often times, feeling she has to take on both roles could result in many problems for the couple. A man and a woman play a role in a relationship. Although it may vary in each relationship, once those roles are defined there will be a lesser chance of a power struggle between the two.
- Lack of Education: Unfortunately, there are some women who believe that a man that’s a “thug” represent masculinity, and well, a man that has masculinity has power, respect, is brave and will protect her. However, this is simply not true. A real man doesn’t have to prove himself to anyone to feel like a man. The amount of respect he receives doesn’t depend on the amount of people who fear him but the respect he gives others.
- Security: Some women stay in unhealthy relationships because she is unable to provide for herself financially. This is especially true of families where children are present. When there are mouths to feed it is difficult to “start over” and walk away from a bad situation. For others the thought of meeting someone new and dating again may be too much to bare.
- Family Patterns: Sometimes its quite challenging to break bad habits. Often times, if a woman has grown up in a environment bearing witness to a volatile relationship, she reiterates some of the same patters.
- Low Self-Esteem: Lots of women, and even men, struggle with low self esteem. It’s one of the many reasons a women may stay with a “bad boy”; she’d rather have a warm body at night than no body. A relationship gives some women an identity. Who she’s with is who she is and ultimately cause some women to make irrational decisions. Some even put a man before themselves or even before their own children. In my opinion, this is the most dangerous. Not knowing you can do better because you deserve better.
Do you agree or disagree with the points noted here? What are some of your own beliefs and/or experiences?
For more in this category go to Love/Relationships.
* I am not a psychiatrist. The points noted on this website were taken from a survey conducted between several men and women. For professional help, please seek a licensed practitioner.*