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Letter From Our Reader: "Meddling Mother Drama"

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Question:

Dear Cotten Kandi,

My husband and I are currently at odds with each other because of his mother! See, it’s not like he’s a mama’s boy or anything but ever since she moved in with us we fight constantly! She criticizes my cooking, the way I do laundry, how I clean the house, my friends, their husbands, the way I style my hair to how I dress and sometimes even how I speak. According to her I’m too boojie.
The thing is, my husband and I met 8 yrs. ago while attending college. I’m now 31 and he’s 32. We only married and moved in together 3yrs ago. We haven’t had any children yet and I still want to hold on to these precious years before we have our child. But his mom is making it impossible.
On the other hand, I feel horrible because his father died over a year ago and his mom is all alone. His eldest sister is married with 3 kids and a crowded house and his 24 year old brother upon graduating from college has decided to travel abroad. Its been 6 months and the woman makes me madd! She keeps saying she’ll move down south to stay with family but she’s still here and every time I bring it to my husband’s attention he says I’m overreacting and too dramatic! I know he loves his mother but what can I do to get him to understand how I feel and speak to his mother?

Sincerely,

Wife Gone Madd!

Answer:

Dear Wife Gone Madd,

I understand your frustration, however, this might be a situation you’ll have to wait out. Try to be patient. His mother could still be grieving from the lost of her husband. Know that your husband is not going to choose between you and his mother. It’s simply not going to happen.

However, I suggest sitting your husband down and explain to him in full detail how his mother makes you feel and why she makes you feel this way. Also, explain to him how it makes you feel when he dismisses your emotions and overlooks his mothers’ disrespectful behavior.

If speaking with him doesn’t work then you may have to approach the problem head on, his mother! However, proceed with caution. Speak with her woman to woman and be sincere. Let her know you sympathize with her lost and want to have a healthy relationship between the two of you but that it hurts your feelings when she says negative things and is condescending towards you. This is a conversation you’ll need to prepare for; think before speaking. she may not be ready to have this kind of conversation with you and may even deny your accusations.

If all else fails, you may need to wait until your not so nice mother-in-law to live with family in the south. But until then, patience is a virtue. If you’ve been with your husband this long and the only serious problems you’ve had is with his mother then your relationship will surely surpass this bump in the road.

We hope that this was helpful.

Sincerely,

Cotten Kandi

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